To make up for the lack of blogging this weekend, my brain has gone into overdrive this morning and I have another interesting topic!
We have chatted before about the challenges that our kids face at home and at school around organizational situations. Executive function tasks, anything where you need to get from A to B to C to D is a struggle.
Linear is easier for them than multitasking but there is a limit. There are situations in my life every day where these things leap to mind with both of my sons. For my oldest son, it is making it to the top of the stairs and not having to turn around and ask me what he was going up there for again! For my youngest, it was the dreaded seatbelt in the car.
Before I understood the significant issues around executive function, I thought these behaviours were defiant. I set about trying to correct them. Much to my frustration and their despair we didn't make much headway. Not doing up his seatbelt immediately when he gets in a vehicle, although he has probably ridden in a car over 12,000 times in his life, was a source of complete jaw dropping angst for me. I asked nicely. I asked crossly. I yelled. I described horrible car crashes and what happened to people who don't wear their seatbelts. He would just look at me without any reaction. His mother looked like a crazy person, about to blow her top, but he was completely unfazed. And yet when I turn around and say put your seatbelt on. He does. There is no defiance. No attitude. He simply for some reason does not connect seatbelt with car. There is a complete dangling cord there.
I went to an amazing educational conference put on by the Children's Autism Services in January. There was a fantastic speaker who talked a lot about executive function issues as they relate to school and life. It was my first view into why I have the troubles that I have had. Her suggestion was that instead of hoping this was somehow going to change, that we learn to play to their strengths. Support them in their areas of need. This can be done with pictures, or lists. She called them "visual supports". To put it in the context of the seatbelt issue, she suggested a black and white laminated picture of a stickman putting on his seatbelt, hanging around the headrest from dental floss. When he gets in the car, it is the first thing he would see and bingo, put his seatbelt on without being reminded. This would be what I would call an "ecological" outcome, good for mom, good for Garrett and good for the world!
Needless to say, I went straight to Staples on the way home and bought the laminator!
The one thing that she said that really stuck with me is don't take the supports away. With neurotypical kids we often will use these supports and then faze them out when they no longer need them. Our kids need them way longer, if not permanently. It takes a very long time for something to become routine.There is no reason why it is important to remove them, and her observation was that people were tempted to remove them immediately when they saw success. If you do that you are sabotaging our kids. Allow them their success their way.
In a school setting, she talked about kids blurting out answers when the teacher was talking. We all know how much of an issue impulse control can be. Her solution was that she had a laminated construction paper circle about the size of a stop light, hanging from around her neck. One side was green and the other was red. She spoke to her class and explained that when it was time to answer questions that she would turn the green side out. Green means go. When it was time to listen and not interrupt, she would turn the red side out, and that meant that it was her turn to talk. Red means stop. Because she was standing at the front of the class facing them all the time, her there was a constant visual cue. Her startling epiphany was that not only did it work for the Autistic kids, it helped the behaviour of all the kids in a very remarkable way. What a reminder that we are all somewhere on the big continuum of all the things our kids struggle with. They are behaviours we all share, they just somehow get distilled in our children. She eventually was able to use this technique and modify it for her Aspie student and he stopped blurting out answers and learned to raise his hand.
This was the best "ecological" solution anyone could have ever handed me and our car rides have once again become peaceful opportunities to share each others company. I look forward with gratitude to the Universe, for the next helpful hint, the next gift of understanding for they always come. I stand with my arms wide open, the stance for receiving. Bless you all.
In Love and light,
Kathryn
We have chatted before about the challenges that our kids face at home and at school around organizational situations. Executive function tasks, anything where you need to get from A to B to C to D is a struggle.
Linear is easier for them than multitasking but there is a limit. There are situations in my life every day where these things leap to mind with both of my sons. For my oldest son, it is making it to the top of the stairs and not having to turn around and ask me what he was going up there for again! For my youngest, it was the dreaded seatbelt in the car.
Before I understood the significant issues around executive function, I thought these behaviours were defiant. I set about trying to correct them. Much to my frustration and their despair we didn't make much headway. Not doing up his seatbelt immediately when he gets in a vehicle, although he has probably ridden in a car over 12,000 times in his life, was a source of complete jaw dropping angst for me. I asked nicely. I asked crossly. I yelled. I described horrible car crashes and what happened to people who don't wear their seatbelts. He would just look at me without any reaction. His mother looked like a crazy person, about to blow her top, but he was completely unfazed. And yet when I turn around and say put your seatbelt on. He does. There is no defiance. No attitude. He simply for some reason does not connect seatbelt with car. There is a complete dangling cord there.
I went to an amazing educational conference put on by the Children's Autism Services in January. There was a fantastic speaker who talked a lot about executive function issues as they relate to school and life. It was my first view into why I have the troubles that I have had. Her suggestion was that instead of hoping this was somehow going to change, that we learn to play to their strengths. Support them in their areas of need. This can be done with pictures, or lists. She called them "visual supports". To put it in the context of the seatbelt issue, she suggested a black and white laminated picture of a stickman putting on his seatbelt, hanging around the headrest from dental floss. When he gets in the car, it is the first thing he would see and bingo, put his seatbelt on without being reminded. This would be what I would call an "ecological" outcome, good for mom, good for Garrett and good for the world!
Needless to say, I went straight to Staples on the way home and bought the laminator!
The one thing that she said that really stuck with me is don't take the supports away. With neurotypical kids we often will use these supports and then faze them out when they no longer need them. Our kids need them way longer, if not permanently. It takes a very long time for something to become routine.There is no reason why it is important to remove them, and her observation was that people were tempted to remove them immediately when they saw success. If you do that you are sabotaging our kids. Allow them their success their way.
In a school setting, she talked about kids blurting out answers when the teacher was talking. We all know how much of an issue impulse control can be. Her solution was that she had a laminated construction paper circle about the size of a stop light, hanging from around her neck. One side was green and the other was red. She spoke to her class and explained that when it was time to answer questions that she would turn the green side out. Green means go. When it was time to listen and not interrupt, she would turn the red side out, and that meant that it was her turn to talk. Red means stop. Because she was standing at the front of the class facing them all the time, her there was a constant visual cue. Her startling epiphany was that not only did it work for the Autistic kids, it helped the behaviour of all the kids in a very remarkable way. What a reminder that we are all somewhere on the big continuum of all the things our kids struggle with. They are behaviours we all share, they just somehow get distilled in our children. She eventually was able to use this technique and modify it for her Aspie student and he stopped blurting out answers and learned to raise his hand.
This was the best "ecological" solution anyone could have ever handed me and our car rides have once again become peaceful opportunities to share each others company. I look forward with gratitude to the Universe, for the next helpful hint, the next gift of understanding for they always come. I stand with my arms wide open, the stance for receiving. Bless you all.
In Love and light,
Kathryn
Great article. For us it's socks... getting dressed does not include socks and that is always a separate reminder!! I'm disappointed that I missed the conference. It sounds like it was wonderful and I was unaware of it so thank you for sharing what you learned!
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