I didn't realize there were so very many rules to social engagement.
Autistic and Asperger's kids are incredible at picking up details. They will look anywhere but at your eyes. They pay incredible attention to all the little things that just blow by the rest of us. They see the many components of the picture but miss the integration of the whole. That often means they miss the important social cues that the rest of us seem to absorb through our skin.
How about body positions? Most of us would never even think about how we would know if it was okay to join in an intense conversation between two individuals. As we approached, our brains would already be interpretting the subtle message of someone opening their shoulders towards us as we were welcome, or the firm closed shoulder stance if we were not. Someone with Asperger's might stand for quite a long time on the edge of two people having an argument not really understanding why no one is speaking to them or inviting them into the conversation.
Michelle Garcia Winner talks about teaching kids with Autism to "enter a conversation as a nobody to become a somebody". What this speaks about, is that our kids have no idea how to hold a conversation with another person in terms of the natural flow of conversation. Our kids have areas of special interest that they can become obsessed with, and conversations are more like a monologue on that particular topic regardless of the age or interest level of their audience. We need to teach them the art of asking and sharing, asking and sharing. We also need to teach them to pay attention to their own bodies and what they tell the people around them. If you are standing 20 feet away with your back to the group, how do you think they will know that you too want to play?? The gift is, once we have the awareness, we can teach these things quite easily. There are fantastic books about body language that will open up bubbles in your mind and make you aware of things in a way you never saw the world before.
In a humourous way, in this age of technology, couldn't all of us use a little brush up on our conversation skills?
I found some great options that could really be implemented in any family. I am sure you can find them on the internet. They are small round boxes with cards in them, conversation starters if you will. The title on the box is "A Penny For Your Thoughts", and "Tell Me About...". Our family loves them and the questions are really quite creative. What a great way to reinvent the art and joy of family time!
It's funny the things that squeeze your heart, but at the end of the day when Garrett or Mitchell look over at me and ask me how MY day was, I know we are making great progress.
In love and light,
Kathryn
Autistic and Asperger's kids are incredible at picking up details. They will look anywhere but at your eyes. They pay incredible attention to all the little things that just blow by the rest of us. They see the many components of the picture but miss the integration of the whole. That often means they miss the important social cues that the rest of us seem to absorb through our skin.
How about body positions? Most of us would never even think about how we would know if it was okay to join in an intense conversation between two individuals. As we approached, our brains would already be interpretting the subtle message of someone opening their shoulders towards us as we were welcome, or the firm closed shoulder stance if we were not. Someone with Asperger's might stand for quite a long time on the edge of two people having an argument not really understanding why no one is speaking to them or inviting them into the conversation.
Michelle Garcia Winner talks about teaching kids with Autism to "enter a conversation as a nobody to become a somebody". What this speaks about, is that our kids have no idea how to hold a conversation with another person in terms of the natural flow of conversation. Our kids have areas of special interest that they can become obsessed with, and conversations are more like a monologue on that particular topic regardless of the age or interest level of their audience. We need to teach them the art of asking and sharing, asking and sharing. We also need to teach them to pay attention to their own bodies and what they tell the people around them. If you are standing 20 feet away with your back to the group, how do you think they will know that you too want to play?? The gift is, once we have the awareness, we can teach these things quite easily. There are fantastic books about body language that will open up bubbles in your mind and make you aware of things in a way you never saw the world before.
In a humourous way, in this age of technology, couldn't all of us use a little brush up on our conversation skills?
I found some great options that could really be implemented in any family. I am sure you can find them on the internet. They are small round boxes with cards in them, conversation starters if you will. The title on the box is "A Penny For Your Thoughts", and "Tell Me About...". Our family loves them and the questions are really quite creative. What a great way to reinvent the art and joy of family time!
It's funny the things that squeeze your heart, but at the end of the day when Garrett or Mitchell look over at me and ask me how MY day was, I know we are making great progress.
In love and light,
Kathryn
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